These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus”
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00PM – prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

Thanks Shawna for sharing!

Found this video and loved it! I so need to be part of a wedding like this!!

#1 Tip for avoiding the Swine Flu …. Don’t Do This!!

Thanks once again to Shawna for the tip

And we all know who gave it to him …

Thanks to Shawna for the tip

Shawna, a good friend from Overflow Church here in Appleton sent me this today. I felt it needed to be shared.

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.

The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.

Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his
bottom.

Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, “He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place……smack his butt again!”

Over the last few weeks I have read many “10 things you didn’t know about me” type posts. I must say that many of them were rather interesting and because “people” are nosy … we all tend to enjoy reading the posts. With that in mind I have decided to take it up a notch. Below I have listed “30″ tidbits about me. I have broken the 30 tidbits into 3 lists. Enjoy!

10 Odd Tidbits About Me

1. I walk and talk in my sleep. I know there are millions of people in world that do this but I find that discussing things I have done in my sleep seem to be great conversation starters. BTW Did you know … According to a Finnish study published in 1997, children sleepwalk more frequently than adults. Sleepwalking was reported for 6.9% of female children and 5.7% of male children, compared to rates of 3.1% for adult women and 3.9% for adult men. Interesting eh? You just learned something!

2. I have two hitchhikers thumb’s. Basically this means I can bend by thumbs back with ease. Most people’s thumbs go straight up while mine curves back. I could balance a glass on my thumb if I wanted to. My own little serving tray!

3. I don’t eat meat on a bone. This is one of my little quirks I guess. I just think it is disgusting. I will eat boneless chicken and beef and such but I don’t eat anything that is on a bone. Simple as that. Especially chicken. UGGGG

4. I love the smell of Vick’s Vapor rub. There is just something about the smell that get’s me. LOL I love the smell of Vick’s Vapor Rub, nail polish remover and real leather. Is this wrong? LOL

5. I watch more cartoons than the average 10 year old. This is true. I use the excuse that I have to keep in touch with what the kids are watching but really … on the inside … I really enjoy the cartoons myself. Especially Spongebob!

6. I have an odd attraction to females who wear dresses often. Not skirts but dresses. I don’t know if this is because of the lifestyle that I was brought up in or what but a lady looks so much prettier to me in a long dress. Just being real!!

7. I only eat CRUNCHY PICKLES. I hate soft pickles. If it doesn’t crunch I will probably spit it back out. There is just something about the crunch of a pickle and the juice that resides inside. LOL (I am starting to scare you now aren’t I)

8. I love nature but enjoy skylines. I really love being outdoors. If I could live in the mountains or out in the woods somewhere I would be in second heaven. I just love the peace and the beauty of the outdoors. HOWEVER, I also love big city skylines. They are beautiful. From my current home I can look out any window in my house and see the Milwaukee Skyline. It’s gorgeous.

9. I haven’t found the balance between childhood and adulthood. I have this war going on inside of me … part of me wants to be this very serious and stern adult while the other part of me wants to constantly make funny jokes and goof off. LOL

10. I sleep with my feet sticking out from the covers. I know this might sound odd but if my feet are under the covers I sweat. My feet control my body temperature. If my feet are cold … I am cold. If my feet are hot … I am hot. Just the way God made me. Stop laughing!! I am fearfully and wonderfully made. LOL

10 Serious Tidbits About Me

1. Since I was 16 my hair has been thinning more and more every day. HOWEVER, by faith that is ending and I am growing a fresh thick head of hair. PRAISE HIM!! ((sorry this is suppose to be serious now)

2. I am single but looking. I enjoy being single. I love the freedom and the opportunity to spend my own money and not make my bed every day however … a companion would be wonderful. ((I am not desperate though))

3. I have huge dreams and visions. I live off the dreams and visions that God has given me. I refuse to settle for anything less. God says that He is going to blow my mind away. I can’t even imagine what things He has in store for me. What He has given me in dreams and visions is nothing compared to what He has for me.

4. I am currently enrolled in a “Biblical Studies” course. Thought I would work on getting some degrees under my belt. This is the only degree I am working towards but yet it is an important one.

5. I am thinking about getting a degree in elementary education or counseling. Weighing out the financial aspects of it but really seriously considering it. I would love to have some kinda degree in these areas.

6. I surround myself with leaders and can do people. I recently sat back and looked at all my close friends (even my students). I surround myself with people have a drive to be a leader and who are always pursuing a future or a dream. Leaders shape our world. Leaders have always shaped our world … since Genesis!

7. I embrace the motto “Innocent until proven guilty”. I embrace the motto because we live in a very judgmental world where everyone is always trying to point the finger even where there is no evidence to prove them guilty. It’s not fair.

8. I need organization in everything I do. If I am involved in something and it’s not organized, …. well …. I tend to get very frustrated and stressed out fast. That’s just the way I am.

9. I am very analytical. I look for reasoning or explanations in everything it seems. It’s a downfall of mine sometimes but other times it’s a great benefit. Just have to find the balance.

10. I desire to be a metrosexual. I want to be that single/or married young man with a high disposable income, that dresses really nice, looks really clean and cut. The guy that doesn’t look ruff but looks like a duck. Cool, calm and collected… aka Eric McCormick.

10 Tidbits About My Future

This last section is more less a section of faith. It’s a section that speaks my confession. It’s what I want for the rest of my life. Many will read this section and laugh and say that I will never have all that I list here but I believe that my confession and my faith will produce these things in my life. These are the desires of my heart in no particular order.

1. I will marry the most beautiful woman in the world. ((Haha and you thought you had her. LOL)

2. My wife and I will have children. Preferably 1 boy and 1 girl. Maybe we can adopt a dog too.

3. I will own a minimum of 5 homes around the United States. Preferably Wisconsin, Florida, Texas, California, and New York. The Word says I will have Goodly Homes (plural).

4. I will travel the globe ministering to children and their leaders. (This is the vision)

5. I will have a full head of hair.

6. I will be a great husband and a great father.

7. I will bless my wives family and my family as the blessing from God doesn’t just fall on me but flows to those closest to me. (Duet 28)

8. I will have six successful streams of income coming in at all times. (This is a vision)

9. I will never divorce.

10. I will be in my children’s lives both as children and as adults.

So now you have learned 30 new things about me. Hopefully it gives you a better perspective of who I am and where I am going in life. Connect with me. I love networking and meeting new people. Looking forward to getting to know you a little better.

Monday’s for some reason seems to always be a hard day to get through. You get up Monday morning and immediately you are hit with the reality that you have a lot to get done this week.

With that in mind, I have decided start a weekly post here on my site for those horrible Mondays. Each Monday from here on out I will be posting a blog entry called “Mirthful Monday”. This blog entry will hopefully lighten your day. It will be filled with clean humorous jokes and videos. Things you can share with your colleges on the job or at work. I hope that through this I will be able to at least give you a few seconds of joy on those dreadful Monday mornings.

Since today is the first day of this wonderful “series”, I would like to share with you a few humorous videos I found on the web. Enjoy!

Hope you enjoyed these videos! As a reminder, every Monday I will be posting new videos and humorous jokes. Make sure you stop back often. If you have something you think would be funny to post on Mirthful Monday let me know via my contact page.