Pastor David Wakerley posted this on his site (which you can visit by clicking here). I thought it was hilarious so I thought I share it with you all!

The Deep Tweets
@RickWarren posted: When believers focus on loving Jesus,differences melt away.When we focus on anything else,the more divided we are.Gal.3:28

@nfietzer posted: Going to the grocery store without your wallet isn’t going to get you any groceries.

@carajaneau posted: Don’t ever think ur too holy for Gods grace.

@PRobKelsey posted: “the unexamined life is not worth living”. Socrates

@_coat posted: The church is not a pyramid scheme, so why do we focus so much on building leaders rather than applauding and rewarding followers?

@BrianCHouston posted: Leadership goal: Lead in a way that makes it easy for people to BELIEVE you BELIEVE in them!

@perrynoble posted: Focus on Christ will bring clarity of vision…focus on popular opinion will bring death to vision!

@stevenfurtick posted: Stop waiting for what you WANT & work what you’ve GOT. The dream in your HEART always starts w s/t in your HAND.

The Odd/Funny Tweets
@nfietzer posted: I enjoy giving people a little scare sometimes. Imagine, your sleeping in your room and suddenly God says “BOO!!” and then laughs!!

@friedmanjon posted: They’re serving bratwurst over here at NBC today. I’m gonna pass on any food that has the word “worst” in it. Am I right?!!

@kevin_nealon posted: I hate having to get up at 2am to set my clock back.

@glass posted: Just did laundry and all the socks matched back up. It’s the little things.

@friedmanjon posted: I Can’t Believe its Not Butter now comes in a spray. What more do they have to do before we don’t believe that it’s not butter?

**Note: The funny tweets are in fact funny however some of these accounts I do not follow due to the other content they tweet. I found these tweets searching the web.**

————————–
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
————————–
The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus”
————————–
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
————————–
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
————————–
Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
————————–
Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
————————–
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
————————–
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
————————–
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
————————–
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
————————–
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
————————
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
————————–
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
————————–
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
————————–
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
————————–
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00PM – prayer and medication to follow.
————————–
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
————————–
This evening at 7PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
————————–
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
————————–
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
————————–
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the back door.
————————–
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
————————–
Weight Watchers will meet at 7PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
————————–
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

Thanks Shawna for sharing!

#1 Tip for avoiding the Swine Flu …. Don’t Do This!!

Thanks once again to Shawna for the tip